Zombie University – Chapter 1

In the dim hall, rows of computers neatly line up, several screens till glaring. Against the light, all their faces look so young. These faces should be full of energy, but at that very moment, most of them exude a rusty, lifeless shade, as though they contain such profoundness that don’t really match with their age.

Song Fei is among those faces, but he insists that this internet cafe is a complete contrast of a place befitting a proud successor of the socialist party — the sofa outside whose leather has flaked, the computer desk whose original colour couldn’t be recognised anymore, the keyboard whose gaps have been blackened by dirt, the wired mouse whose function has gone completely amok, coupled with the ridiculous assistance of the faint, yellow light from the ceiling bulb; even if Pan An¹ reincarnates to be here, his ‘no dead angle’ beauty would also fail.

¹ 潘安 [Pan An] is one of the four most beautiful men of ancient China.

In the post-Internet cafe era where smartphones are already everywhere, this store is still swaggeringly standing at the face of a new millennium. This gives Song Fei the illusion of going back in time every time he steps in here, as if he has returned to the third grade of primary school, when he often sneaked out in the middle of the night to play games in an Internet cafe while his parents were sleeping. Of course, those glamourous times always ended with him being brilliantly canned by his dad. But to be honest, that internet cafe’s decoration is still more avant-garde than this one.

There aren’t many people coming to internet cafes nowadays. Song Fei is convinced that for this shop to persist until now, they must thank his school’s system of lights-out and Internet disconnection. Mobile phones can still connect to cellular data after lights-out, but every time he sees the occasional reminder of “Recommended to browse under wifi, however rich kids please feel free to do whatever you want”, it reminds him of how most people definitely lack self-discipline. Well, he needs to see the midnight live broadcast of the match, so he has to rely on this Internet cafe – the only one within a ten-mile radius.

“I often dream during cold nights ~~ You are so beautiful ~~ I’m leaving for thousands of years ~~ Who asks you to accompany me ~~ Heading west, we sing all the way…”

The desolate, raw male voice from a Rock n’ Roll song suddenly comes up, becoming especially noticeable amid this quiet cafe that houses only a handful of people. Although it is his own cell phone’s ringtone, Song Fei is still taken aback. The caller ID shows Wang Qingyuan.

“What’s the matter?” as Wang Qingyuan is both his roommate and his buddy, Song Fei knows the guy won’t disturb him if there is nothing important.

“Come back quickly. Dorm inspection,” Wang Qingyuan says concisely.

Song Fei’s first reaction is to look at the clock, “It’s barely past ten o’clock!”

“It’s a good time for them to check on us. If one isn’t here, it’s 100% certain that he doesn’t plan to sleep in the dorm.”

“F**k!” 

What era is it now, why are they still doing a random inspection? Not to mention it is the first time in this whole semester that Song Fei sneaks out overnight. How can they even aim so correctly? !

Without delaying for a second, Song Fei decisively retreats — the live broadcast event is very precious, but the overall review score is even more. If the counselor remembers you, there will be no place to cry in the next few years.

Song Fei ’s university is located in the outskirts of the city, twenty or thirty miles from the city center. It is originally a county standing on a large area of ​​wild mountains. With the expansion of the city in the past two years, it has become a new campus for many universities in the central city. The place has a fashionable name of “University City”, but it is still pretty empty and various supporting facilities haven’t yet been set up. Even worse, Song Fei’s school is a new block at the innermost part of the new campus, where it gets more deserted the more one walks forward. It is at least four stops away from the nearest school. The school sits north and faces south, and there are a few shops across the road from the main gate at the south. The other three sides are just idyllic scenery, which really makes no students develop loving feelings for.

Song Fei’s overnight internet cafe is also in this location, so after crossing the street, he sneaks through the school gate.

However, the long journey has just begun.

The land in the city center is costly, so the old campus always seems so cramped. But the new campus has no such problems. Do you want to do a long-distance run? Why should you torture yourself around the school field? From the entrance of the school to the dormitory building, you can fulfill your dream of being the next Oriental track and field champion!

Ting.

A crisp sound of WeChat comes from his pocket. Song Fei, the next potential track and field champion, continues to sprint down the night while pulling out his phone to hear the voice message. Still it is Wang Qingyuan. “Are you back yet? They are on our floor already. This time it is a joint inspection between the school and the student union. The battle is grand.”

“Just passed the Physics building… Huff huff… Help me to cover… Just a few minutes!” He releases his thumb and the message is sent successfully.

Song Fei hurriedly puts back the phone and exerts himself more energetically.

Seven minutes later, Building No.2, Room 440 of the male dormitory finally welcomes the wandering citizen. But the foreign invasion has happened, and the wandering citizen plunges into the arms of his fellow country men.

“Song Fei, you are back already?” teacher Jia, the counselor of School of History and Culture smiles sincerely as he stands in the middle of the dormitory room.

“Good evening, teacher Jia!” student Song of Department of Tourism Management, School of History and Culture replies enthusiastically as he stands at the door of the dormitory room.

Teacher and student stare at each other for a few seconds, then the former asks, “Where did you go?”

The latter doesn’t hesitate, “Toilet.”

As soon as he speaks, Song Fei sees his three roommates facepalm themselves, their eyes rolling. Half of his heart runs cold.

Sure enough, Teacher Jia’s smile fades slightly, “They said you wanted to eat instant noodles but the kettle was empty. It just so happens that in one of the rooms upstairs, there is someone who is from the same elective course as you and is also on good terms with you, so you went up to borrow hot water, but because they don’t know which room this student is in so they can’t go up to find you, and you also didn’t bring your cell phone because you only went there to borrow hot water.”

Song Fei swallows hard, “This reason for not being in the room is really… full of meticulous details.”

Teacher Jia glares at him angrily, obviously knowing the truth from the start. None of the people who can be instructors this year are ordinary people. Every day, they are fighting with hundreds of students, so even ordinary people will also become warriors of bloody battles.

Song Fei grins sheepishly and passes through him without a shame.

Teacher Jia ignores him, goes to the door and sincerely greets the student union members who have finished checking all the rooms till the end of the corridor, “Students, the History one from 440 has returned from the toilet —”

Very soon, four school student union members return with pens and notepads. Song Fei is holding a glass of water and chokes as he suddenly sees a familiar face. He almost coughs his lungs out.

Teacher Jia was taken aback and spits out mercilessly, “You can’t even drink water in a decent manner?”

Song Fei becomes terribly embarrassed and quickly puts the water down. He could feel Qi Yan looking at him. If it is before, he will definitely look back. They all have one nose and two eyes, so no one is much different from the other anyway. But now that he has just ‘returned from the toilet’, if he tries to emphasize too much on his presence, the contrast against that person, the backbone of the school student union with a small red Inspection Team band around his arm, is way too strong.

F**k, he forgets that the guy is part of the student union.

Over here, Song Fei whispers, “Usually the inspection should be done in only three to five seconds. But they still linger around after they’ve finished checking, or to be precise, all of them have left, yet Qi Yan still stands inside the room.”

Not only the brothers of Room 440 are wondering, but teacher Jia also is baffled, “Is there any problem?”

Qi Yan has sharp eyebrows and bright eyes, and when he smiles, he looks especially sunny and handsome. It is an appearance that easily gets people’s liking, just like now. “Mr. Jia, apart from this random attendance check, we may also want to check for high-power electrical appliances in the room.”

Qi Yan’s tone is super euphemistic. Obviously he means “must check”, but the way he says “may want to check” sounds as though he is seeking permission from the other person.

This subtle way of lowering oneself really pleases people. Teacher Jia immediately waves his arm, “That is a must. The school explicitly prohibits illegal electricity use, check!”

As if it’s not enough to just say, teacher Jia also proudly leads the team.

Qi Yan follows and doesn’t say anything.

The four partners in crime of 440 look at each other: three of them have planned for this.

The room is only this large and takes less than two minutes to look around. Soon, Mr. Jia is done with his inspection, totally empty-handed and with a look of relief. Qi Yan stops at the desk under Song Fei’s bunk, looking thoughtful.

Teacher Jia is perplexed, “What’s wrong?”

Qi Yan points to the laptop placed on the table and the computer case under the table: “It’s a bit weird here… Why do you need a computer case if you already have a laptop?”

Teacher Jia is lost for words. This question is extremely high-level for him both in terms of meaning and answer.

Qi Yan squats down, moves the computer case out and lays it flat. He looks straight into Song Fei’s eyes that are burning with the intent to burn him alive and gently removes the side cover with only one click.

Teacher Jia ’s eyes almost fall out, as though Qi Yan didn’t just open a computer case but in fact dissected an alien — There is neither a motherboard, a fan, a memory stick nor a hard drive inside. Rather, an electric kettle, two rice cookers and a hair dryer turn up. What’s more important is that this motherf**ker is the one to discover it, how can he bear this? ! 

“Song, Fei! ! !”

“Teacher Jia! ! !”

Although Song Fei affectionately calls out to him and stubbornly clings onto his leg, the counselor still kicks Song Fei to a corner and signs his grand name below the “Room 440 violates the prohibition of electrical appliances” on top of Qi Yan’s notepad, with, such, a, great, force.

Illegal use of electrical appliances is as common in the university as students falling in love. At most, the electrical appliances are confiscated and the student receives some verbal warning, or a little worse, the overall points of the department or the school will be deducted. But that is all. However, after saying goodbye to the inspection team, the three brothers of 440 can’t figure out how they were exposed. Although the case is placed under Song Fei’s table, only the electric kettle is his, and the rest are the other three’s. In particular, Ren Zhe, the owner of the imported hair dryer, is simply bleeding.

“How does he do that? He just knows by looking at it? Must be Sharingan eyes!”

“It’s amazing…” Xiang Yang looks at the wreckage of the empty case on the ground, still feeling unreal.

Wang Qingyuan glances at Song Fei with uncertainty, but says nothing.

Song Fei glides his teeth till they want to break.

Waiting restlessly until eleven o’clock, Song Fe crawls into his upper bunk, hides below the blanket, opens WeChat and begins to torture the phone — 【Motherf**ker don’t you have better things to do? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 】

No amount of exclamation marks can express Song Fei’s impending need to greet Qi Yan’s ancestors.

A reply quickly bounces back — 【A man of jianghu has to move along with the course of life².】

² A phrase which means that one cannot control everything that happens to him and that he has to adapt to the changes in life. “Jianghu” refers to people who are not governed by the law and act on their own system of values, such as vagabonds, tomb robbers, criminals, etc.

【F**k off, you just want to use a public excuse to revenge a personal grudge! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 】

【Do we have any grudge? 】

This sentence had Song Fei shut down his power.

Do they have any grudge? Actually, no. Although their courtship was short and not smooth-sailing, they also had a hella passionate time, with impulsive, loving chats while laying in bed or whispering into each other’s ear to show off the technique of hiding illegal electrical appliances. In the end, even after they broke up peacefully on WeChat, they can still nod to each other if they happen to meet in the dinner queue at the canteen. Everything is very harmonious.

But today, they are at each other’s nerves just because of a stupid electric kettle.

Suddenly, the phone shakes again. Song Fei thinks that Qi Yan, who hasn’t received his response, sends a second provocation, but it turns out to be Wang Qingyuan —【Is it him? 】

Wang Qingyuan is the only one in the room who knows he is not straight, and that he had a boyfriend from the same school a while ago, but he never specifically talked about it. Wang Qingyuan isn’t a nosy person so he doesn’t ask much, only learning that the two broke up after a short while. After the scene he made today, most people may not quite quickly figure it out, but Wang Qingyuan The Top Student only needs to think about it for a bit, then the truth instantly becomes clear. Song Fei The Dumbass really wants to bump his head on the ground —【Uhm. 】

【Very handsome. 】

【What’s the use? I can’t eat it. 】

【So what did you like about him? 】

【Big generosity. 】

【……】

Song Fei doesn’t understand what this means. He thinks that he may not have made it clear. His so-called big generosity doesn’t mean that Qi Yan spends money lavishly on him, but he feels that this person is mature, generous and does things properly. Of course, it was later discovered that they were all illusions.

With a sigh, Song Fei raises his phone again, planning to send another message to explain to his roommate.

【Time to sleep.】

Usually this means the end of the topic. Song Fei pouts, telling himself that it doesn’t matter what he says, for they all happened in the past anyway. There are things that he couldn’t tell Qi Yan, let alone Wang Qingyuan… But wait!

Song Fei brings the phone close to his eyes and reads carefully. He finds that when he typed “big generosity” to Wang Qingyuan, his hands somehow trembled and he only sent a single word “big”. There is no trace of “generosity”. So the chat record at the moment is —

【So what did you like about him? 】

【Big】

【……】

【Time to sleep.】

Don’t sleep, listen to my explanation! ! !